I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Your dad touched me again.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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