oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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