theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
