He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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