I wish i was in the wii world.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
