So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
