david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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