you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
