I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We are all done wearing pants today
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
