i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
