Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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