You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
