doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
