Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
not ubering you a puppy
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
