I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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