I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
