im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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