there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
