I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
