Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
