You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
