she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
