hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
