just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
