where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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