so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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