I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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