dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Someone came in the potted fern
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
