If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
