Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
