I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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