Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
