Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
