Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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