i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
