i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
