I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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