I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i think my cat just said my name.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
