you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
