Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
