He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
