Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
