are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my shit smells like andre
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
