i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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