Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
