That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
