The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
