Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
