the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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