Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
