Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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