I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
